On Mindfulness..
How I found peace at the highest peak, and the possibility of carrying that mindfulness into the chaos that is work.
Before the company I worked for inevitably ran itself to the ground, disbanding my team and laying off thousands, my work days were a hot mess. Half my time was spent putting out fires that could have easily been prevented via basic communication and standard policies; the other half, engaging in tasks I did not have the time, bandwidth, or resources to complete. Day in and day out, I wondered what the point of it all was.
I was perpetually overwhelmed, circling the hamster wheel in a panicked quest for the ever-elusive carrot I wasn’t sure I wanted to begin with. There had to be more to life than this.
My relief at being terminated was temporary. It didn’t take me long to notice the hit to my peace of mind. My thoughts spiraled with feelings of unworthiness precipitated by the stigma of being laid off, the perception of being a failure, and the paranoia around uncertainty: Where would I go next? Where could I go next? I had become an anxiety-ridden, impatient mess. Mentally, I was drained, and I needed a break. A break from myself.
I booked my trip to the Dominican Republic on a whim.
A perplexing amalgamation of excitement and apprehension rushed through me. Although I was born there, so much of my very own Hispanola was still foreign to me. Truth be told, I hadn’t even been to the country in years.
Upon arrival, I headed to my hotel in the city of Jarabacoa. The next day, I woke to the picturesque view of cows grazing the green mountainside pastures from my balcony window and ran downstairs to gobble down the complimentary breakfast before heading out to the main street to explore. There was a schedule to adhere to, items in my itinerary to check off, and pictures to be taken for the ‘gram. I simply had no time to waste.
I hastily looked at the menu and ordered a tres golpes and freshly squeezed pineapple juice. I barely tasted the buttery plantain mash as I guzzled it down with the way-too-large pieces of salami, fried cheese, and egg I’d rashly cut with the side of my fork. On my way to discard my plate, I locked eyes with one of the waiters, a young-ish man in a white button-down, a black vest, and a kind smile. I’d previously seen him wiping down dining tables and whistling a tune I didn’t recognize as I came into the dining area.
“Mami, pero respira,” Breathe, girl, he said, in a joking tone.
“¿Cuál es la prisa?” What is the rush?
I laughed it off, then looked out the window at the perennial flow of the Jimenoa River directly facing the hotel for what may have been the first time since my arrival. As he whistled away, I contemplated that same question: What is the rush? Wasn’t I already home?
The next day, I left Jarabacoa and embarked on a three-day-long journey to the top of Pico Duarte, the highest peak in the Caribbean. The climb and its rocky cliff-side pathways, which span 29 miles and over 10,000 feet of elevation, offered plenty of time and space to engage in deep thought. And one morning, at 8000 feet of altitude, in a misty haze of literal fog, it finally hit me.
Cross-legged by a campfire, bundled up in my heat-tech jammies, gloves, and fleece bucket hat to combat the cold in what’s often called the Dominican Alps, I sipped on a steaming cup of chocolate de agua (hot cocoa) and watched the mules standing curiously still while loosely tied to the tall, thin Hispaniolan pines.
I became entranced by what I’d woken up especially early for, the fiery glow of the sun rising above the mountains as it danced into the morning.
It was then that I realized that the serenity I was looking for was not foreign; it had always been with me. I’d just allowed myself to get so lost in thought, I’d forgotten to notice it.
At that moment, I’d become fully present. Mindful.
Mindfulness and Its Roots
Mindfulness is defined as the practice of being fully present and aware of your current experience (without judgment).
Although the concept is relatively new in the West, it’s been a vital practice in Buddhism for over 2500 years. The word itself, “mindfulness”, is a rough translation of the Pali word, “Sati”. Although I haven’t studied the Buddhist teachings deeply enough to fully understand them, I do know it is not a passive process. It encompasses knowing where the mind is so that you do not get caught up in the noise. It is seeing things as they truly are, with curiosity rather than attachment, and it’s something to be cultivated all day long.
But while it was easy to practice mindfulness by a babbling river or on a misty mountain peak, I wondered:
How could I bring this awareness into my everyday life, especially amidst the chaos of work?
In recent years, many organizations have begun asking this same question. A growing body of research shows that mindfulness offers measurable physical, psychological, and performance benefits. Like anything worthwhile, it’s not easy, but it is possible with consistent, conscious effort.
“Paradise is not a place; it’s a state of consciousness.” Sri Chinmoy
Next Up: We’ll be delving deeper into mindfulness.
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Your writing truly is music to all my senses. Thank you for sharing personal parts of yourself and for these drop-dead-gorgeous pics of your time at home.